﻿Permeable Mem-Brain

Permeable Mem-Brain

3/18/2016

The sum of everything else outside of
the permeable membrane that is myself-
does it equate to who I am?
Or does the view of any who don’t agree
with the lemon and honey in my coffee?
And with a desire to ensue too much

my mouth gapes open in a vocal-less scream
from a reoccurring dream, pervading reality.
While piles and piles of cluttered
thoughts, pondering
knowledge collected since existence,
become buried in the landfill of my mind.
Engulfed by an excess of everything

in this material age. It’s just a matter of time
till mine is lost or thrown away.
What is tomorrow if not for today?
My ephemera, like the flame of a candle
which burns and flickers in the night
as the stars do. Even those holes in the black velvet

have a volatile core, susceptible to their own
gravity and liable to spontaneously combust;
an implosion outwardly creating proximate damage.
I am not immortal, and do not wish to be
it seems, though, that neither does my species.

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Mostly in a state of existential crisis, wrapped up in my own mind and in the thoughts that weigh heavy through cyclical depression. Thoughts consisting of anxiety and unhappiness about school, society, humanity, the world, the waste, the ignorance, and my own inner conflicts of knowledge and memory cause constant yearning to exist in a more positive and productive state. My writing through this time has reflected the tendencies I have to think too much, my resolution being through doing art and through connecting with nature. My writing process is usually different every time. Sometimes by compiling small phrases I’ve jotted down in my notes, other times by writing stream of consciousness, and others are more about what word sounds intrigue me. I have found that my writing reads best when I utilize all of these tactics together.
Writing is an excellent outlet to plug emotional struggles into even though I have been known in the past to have difficulties using words to express myself. Using poetry as a form of expression is beautiful for the reason that it doesn’t require words to form around accurate depictions but rather to form around feelings whether temporal or constant, right or wrong. Poetry takes the form of my anxieties and makes them less of a burden to bear inside. Once the anxieties are outside I can more objectively put into perspective the way I am feeling, sometimes to make me realize I am tackling too much and sometimes to realize I am justified however moot the point may be. Either way I learn through the writing process every time and really enjoy going back to reread the words I’ve linked together and attached to a page.
Figurative language has become a handy tool I now use in all aspects of life in order to help better analog my thoughts more adequately to another being. I’ve found through poetry and its toolkit of things like: figurative language, assonance, and alliteration, that words have a way with making beautiful sounds and making beautiful pictures just as effective to me as music or painting. I enjoy working with words, manipulating them in this way, in order to find how they can be operative in describing sensations. Sometimes I’m not even sure how I feel until I try to sit down and actually put words to the problem. Many times painting helps me to dig up the feelings and poetry helps me to unveil their many roots infiltrating into different aspects of life. Turning my brain inside out to empty all of the thoughts onto the page keeps them from eating away at my mind. On the page they seem safer to observe.
Reading Zachariah Wells’ poetry helped me to realize that existential dilemmas and the problems that I face on a deep emotional level are accessible and combatable through poetry. The profound element of poetry is magnificent in that it can delicately describe something so simple and yet also has the ability to reach into the depths of an abstract idea and bring out its concrete form for others to understand. I have a tendency in my writing, and in life, to be very vague and descriptive in unsuccessful ways. Through the course of this semester I feel that I have made positive strides through learning when to embrace the ambiguity and when to hone in on a certain element or idea I want to address within a poem. I will continue to write poetry, to grow in my writing style, and to cope in this way because I find it to be incredibly fruitful.